Dr John Gray, in his book ‘Men are from Mars, women are from Venus’, must have totally missed a sub-cohort of the Venusian species or just maybe, not all women are from Venus. There is also the possibility that the INTJs might have been exiled from Venus- that would certainly be plausible.
I’ve been trying to follow along the audio version of ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus’ and so far, I believe I’ve learned a lot. The primary goal of me listening, was actually to learn about the Marsians, but interestingly, I’m learning more about what to expect from an average Venusian. I’ve had to pause several times during the audio and ask myself, ‘do I do that’? For instance, it is expected that when a Venusian talks about her problems, you pretty much need to listen and nod. I do not think I have a problem with the listening bit, but quite frankly, if an INTJ personality opens up to someone about a problem, it’s because they believe they can provide solutions, or quite frankly, what is the point of sharing? This is why you might find INTJs barely complaining. For an INTJ, complaining is to believe that a solution is out of reach. In fact, solving a problem is rather met with a thrill. I’ve been one to take things quite literally. So if I consulted a friend(NOT an acquaintance ) with a problem about my job, and the person said, you should quit, I’d actually consider it deeply. Why? An INTJ is very selective, especially, with friends (which an INTJ would consider to be as important as selecting a future partner- because friends of an INTJ are in for the long haul). A friend, therefore, would be someone an INTJ is willing to be vulnerable with and would know as much about the problem in question before offering a solution! While INTJs are hardly emotional beings, it’s different with people they pledge loyalty to! And that brings me to the subject of the expectation of a Venusian being a highly emotional creature. For instance, there was an example about Venusians being willing to understand that Marsians need an alone time. However, I think that I, being a Venusian, maybe understand this so well, I’m probably the one to suggest it. I believe every individual actually needs an alone time. Time to recharge, refocus, and do some introspection. Time to create and even bring back a spark! This could look like a few hours, a day or a week!
So what is my point? I’ve really enjoyed listening to Dr. Gray’s book but I’ll have to say that, finding it hard to fit into the Venusian box makes me wonder; how many men do or do not fit within the Marsian box? And how many ‘sub-INTJs’ might exist? We’ve often heard statements like ‘Christians are….’, ‘Men are…..’, ‘Teachers are…’, ‘Imams are…’..I like the idea of sharing general characteristics with people and knowing what to expect from people of a certain sex, tribe, religion, etc. But I’ll never stop saying this: before YOU ever pass judgement on an INDIVIDUAL within any group, it is only fair to do YOUR due diligence and get to know them for YOURSELF and if that is not possible, be open to the endless possibilities of justification.