One minute your brain is functioning at a 100% capacity and when a dull moment ensues, it all comes rushing. Rushing like a flood and which better place than when I’m most unaware- In my freakn sleep! You dare attack me in my sleep. In my most vulnerable space, where I crave peace. I crave sanctity, where I crave rest. There you linger until my eyes can no longer hold the darkness! Opening with the tumultuous flood that gushes out. But that does not quite end the story, does it? You take my thoughts captive and my thoughts hold my body captive and like a robot, I am under your instructions!
There. That is where the foolery begins. The north must become south and the east, west. Because then, nothing must make sense. Because then, there is no mental process that can be trusted. There is no inlet. Just an outlet. An outlet of explosion.
However, there remains this crippling moment when you want to let it all out but need to sit still and process these emotions instead. O adulting, they call it. I am not used to this and I don’t know if I ever will be. But honestly, emotions are the bane of my existence and life is so much smoother and stable when we least interact.
For the INTJ listening, this may make complete sense but for others, this was a short write-up I scribbled down this morning while trying to understand recent occurrences in my sleep pattern and how that was associated with unresolved emotions. This raw narration reflects a conversation with the said culprit and an honest conclusion which may or may not be right. Listen to the podcast here.