A couple of months ago, I engaged friends on social media in a discussion about love and this is a compilation of our conversation! Feel free to share your thoughts on this as well.
“Like a bird freed from chains, when do you fly?
The problem has never been love or the question of ‘how love hurts’. It’s the suppression of love that hurts. So why do you hold yourself back?
Why do you cage yourself in insatiable expectations?
How do you rationalize with Truth?
Does Truth leave any gap? “
Facebook Response: Truth, love and freedom are connected. Truth leads to love and love leads to freedom. Truth is the objective point of reference which defines love. The Black Eyed Peas once sang: “If you’ve never known Truth then you’ve never known Love”. I think they were spot on! Without knowing ‘truth’ you can not define love. Pilate couldn’t understand ‘truth’ and ultimately failed to recognize love. He asked Jesus: “what is truth?” Despite staring into the eyes of Truth and the embodiment of Love that stood before him.
Failure to fully understand true love and its unconditional unexpectant nature leaves room for hurt when the love we express is not reciprocated. The natural defense is to suppress this kind of love which invariably causes us more hurt because we deny ourselves the chance to experience the joy of loving in its fullest. We become prisoners of our own emotions and deny ourselves the freedom that comes with loving truly.
My response: “If you’ve never known ‘truth’, you’ve never known love” Profound!!… @Pilate tho! Love that example. This is so good XYZ! Thank you so much for sharing
A SUMMARY OF MY REASONING:
I guess it is not unreasonable to receive one allegory for another; an instagram response:
‘A bird freed from its cage?
How do ye know why the caged bird sings?
Oh, if I had wings I would fly off to some distant paradise and bathe myself in refreshing waters!
C.S. Lewis lets us know what happens when we keep the bird of love locked up in our hearts and refuse to let it fly. What are we afraid of? That some wicked huntress will point her gun at our back and we wail, “Why did I let my love loose?!” Oh, how the hunter has become the hunted. The conquest of the coquette strikes again and she returns to sea to sing yet another siren song to allure the next unwitting victim.’
My favorite part is “Oh how the hunter has become the hunted” which goes to buttress the expression “It’s the suppression of love that hurts”
1. Like a bird freed from chains, when do you fly?; Have you ever observed a bird chained for days? Do you notice what happens when it is unchained? It remains still. While it is physically free, in its ‘mind’ it is still chained.
2. ‘Chains’ is used as a metaphor for broken expectations and expectations yet to be broken. While expectations may be ‘broken’ through words and other actions, if we dug deeper, we’d notice that disappointment is one of the most disabling feelings ever and the question is, how do you move past this cage of mental bondage?
3. Let’s talk about my all-time favorite word; love. Is love not clearly defined by an author and does that not make it ‘truth’? Obviously, the term has an origin. The word Love in its purest form ‘Agape’ is unconditional and I’ve shared what its author defined it as (Reference: 1 Corinthians 13).
4. How do you rationalize with Truth? Does Truth leave any gap? If I painted a pig, would the pig be less of a pig if I inserted its nostril next to its calf? The definition that leads to the wrongful expression of the word does not change its true meaning. A pig is what it is- a pig and so is love; which is to say, if we want to point our fingers, it’s not the word we should be after; “The problem has never been love or the question of ‘how love hurts”.
5. “It’s the suppression of love that hurts”- The one million dollar question comes in the form;
A. “Why did I let my love loose?!” as expressed by C.S.Lewis
B. Why should I help this person who has wronged me?
C. What if I get hurt? What if I am taken for granted? And this leads to the topic of ‘setting healthy boundaries’ and how to even define boundaries. Does it mean to not trust anyone? Is that even practical? (That’s a whole conversation for another day)
I will tell you one thing. For all the times I have felt hurt or disappointed, I was intentional about my response. In the act of releasing expectations, suppressed love, and choosing to respond with love, I felt such liberation and freedom that nothing on earth could possibly offer. I have learned to ‘expect the unexpected and mistrust the expected’(I’m not sure who the original author of this quote is- let me know if you do).